Sloppy Agape

Agape is a Greco-Christian term referring to love: "the highest form of love, charity" and "the love of God for man and of man for God."

There are many people in the world who confess to being Christians, but their words and actions often contradict what the Bible teaches about what it means to really love somebody.

This kind of love―let’s call it “sloppy agape”―probably repels more people from Christianity, and relationships in general, than just about anything. The Bible clearly indicates that God is not a fan of “gushy” and “mushy” love that’s more about talk than action and authenticity.

So, you ask, what is sloppy agape? Sloppy agape is when you tell someone you love them, but your words and actions do not demonstrate your claim to be true. Here are a few examples of sloppy agape. I’m sure you can come up with many more examples from your own personal life experiences:

• Sloppy agape is when you tell someone you love them, but you say it in such a harsh tone or mean spirit that you’re not believable.
• Sloppy agape is when you tell someone you love them, but then you gossip about them, or slander and defame them, behind their back.
• Sloppy agape is when you tell someone you love them, but then you harbor anger, bitterness, resentment, or ill will against them for something they said or did to you, maybe years ago; but you never approach them in true love for forgiveness and reconciliation.
• Sloppy agape is when you tell your spouse or children you love them but then routinely cut them in half with your words, tone, attitude, or neglect.
• Sloppy agape is when you tell your spouse or children you love them, but then you don’t provide them with the love and care (physical, financial, emotional, spiritual, etc.) they need and deserve and that you committed before God to give to them.
• Sloppy agape is when you claim to be a Christian who loves the whole world like Jesus does, but then you routinely post “hate language” (political, racial, religious, sexual, etc.) on social media or “air out your dirty laundry” concerning people or institutions you don’t like, which only leads people to think you are everything but the loving Christ-follower you claim to be.

Love, to be true love, must be love based on truth (cf. Philippians 1:9; 3 John 1). Paul said, “Love must be sincere.” He’s speaking of genuine love, not like that of people described in scripture whose words are “smooth as butter” but whose true feelings are “drawn swords” (Psalm 55:21). Paul tells us, “Let love be without hypocrisy” (Romans 12:9).

In John 21, Jesus asked Peter three times: “Do you love me?” Peter answered him three times in the affirmative. Each time Jesus told Peter to “Feed my lambs.” “Tend my sheep.” “Feed my sheep.” (See John 21:15-17.) Jesus is saying that the best way to prove that we love Him is by taking care of His people. It’s not enough to just say “I love you” to God or man. Those words must be backed up with actions if they are to be believed.

If one’s actions are not congruent with his or her words, then it is nothing more than sloppy agape. Jesus told Peter that his pronouncement of love was not enough. Peter must show how much he loves his Lord by humble service to others. In 1 John 4:20, John wrote, “Whoever says, ‘I love God,’ but hates his brother is a liar. The one who doesn’t love the brother whom he has seen can’t love God whom he has not seen.” Actions speak louder than words.

I think you get the idea of what sloppy agape looks like. Thomas Watson, a Puritan, spoke to this kind of love: “Faith deals with invisibles, but God hates that love which is invisible.” Paul said this: “Don’t just pretend to love others. Really love them. Hate what is wrong. Hold tightly to what is good” (Romans 12:9).

Love God. Love others. This is the Great Commandment in a nutshell. If we can love people like Jesus loved them—in both word and deed―then we can say farewell to sloppy agape!