If you were asked to describe the times in which we live with one sentence, what would that sentence be? You could easily say: “It’s all about me.” The great thinker Deidra Cummings has often said, “Far and away the greatest problem in the world today is selfishness—because that’s what produces the most sin.” Many would agree with her, including me. Selfishness is the root of many, if not most, of the problems in the world today.
The technical term for “it’s all about me” is narcissism. In Greek mythology, Narcissus is the character who, upon passing his reflection in the water, becomes so enamored with himself that he devotes the rest of his life to his own reflection. From this, we get our term “narcissism,” which is the preoccupation with self.
It’s the classic “I, me, mine” selfish mentality that places personal desires and interests at the forefront of all concerns. Historian Christopher Lasch went so far as to christen ours “the culture of narcissism,” calling it our “new religion.”
How has cultural narcissism affected or rubbed off on the church? Shouldn’t the church be just the opposite of this narcissistic way of thinking? I mean, we follow a Savior who said things like: “I did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give my life as a ransom for many.” “Whoever wants to be first must become last.” “Whoever wants to be great among you must become the slave of all.” And as He bowed His head in submission to the Father, He said, “Not my will, but yours.”
Yet, spiritual narcissism has invaded the thinking of too many Christians today and has had a devastating effect on too many lives and churches. This occurs when the individual needs, opinions, and desires of the church or its members become the main focus, while the needs of others, especially the lost, are basically ignored.
Have you really listened to the way we talk these days? “I need to be ministered to” rolls off our tongues today as easily as “Jesus saves.” We walk out of a worship assembly and say, “I didn't get anything out of it,” as if worship was primarily about what we receive, rather than what we give. Some in the church have elitist doctrinal attitudes that imply, “I’m right and you’re wrong, and the church is going to believe like I believe and do things like I want, or else I’m out.” These attitudes are severely hurting the church and true discipleship, blinding our vision, paralyzing our mission, and muting our voice in society.
Many churches are dying today due to the fact that their members are not maturing like they should because of an inordinate focus on self—spiritual narcissism.
Consider the first two questions any organization must ask itself (courtesy of business author Peter Drucker): 1) What is our mission? 2) Who is our customer? The second of these involves crass language, I know, for any church, but let’s consider these two questions for a moment.
First, what is our mission? I would argue that the church’s primary mission is to seek and to save the lost. I mean, how could our main mission be anything other than the one Christ had and then entrusted to us as the church to carry on? (See John 20:21 and Matthew 28:19-20.)
The second question is this: Who, then, is our “customer?” If our mission is to seek and to save the lost, then our “customer” is anyone who is lost. Any business without customers will eventually fail—as many businesses and churches that have been forced to close their doors have discovered.
Too many churches have serving the already saved—the sheep that are already in the pen—as their primary focus. Services rendered to the already saved become paramount, and other churches become the “competition.” However, each congregation of the Lord’s church should be a lighthouse to the world, and lighthouses should never compete with one another. Lighthouses simply lead people away from danger (sin and death) so that they can reach their ultimate destination (salvation in Christ and a future in heaven).
In truth, spiritual narcissism occurs when churches and individual Christians cater to, or think primarily about, themselves, making their own needs paramount to such a degree that the lost are almost ignored! However, nowhere does true spiritual narcissism face more opposition than in a church that is choosing to die to itself in order to reach out and serve those around them who are lost.
Christ-centered people and Christ-centered churches realize and accept the fact that it is not primarily about themselves, but others. Christianity is not primarily about whether you get served by the church in some way, but whether or not you are giving anything of service to others. Jesus was the Savior of all but also the servant of all. Jesus makes it clear in the Bible that the most important people in the kingdom of God―the church―are not kings or queens or rulers, but servants. “The greatest among you will be your servant” (Matthew 23:11).
When what you put into the church becomes more important to you than what you get out of it, then and only then will you get out of it the maximum God intends for you to have. True J.O.Y. = Jesus, Others, Self.
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